A talk with my dad

6 Mar

Growing up I always saw my dad as a tough man. Fearless, strong, never intimidated by the words or actions of others. I rarely ever saw him cry or show much emotion… he was this girls idea of …Superman.

Fast forward the tape to today, and instead of a fearless” superman”, I sat with a humble, raw and real father. A man whom I have seen break down, cry out and just want to run home. As a daughter it is never easy to see your parent in pain; just like it is never easy to see your child in pain. And as much as you want to rescue them, there are times that God wont let that happen because he has a different plan.

It was not very long ago that my dad was in a dark place. Alone and at rock bottom, he decided that he was going to do something he had been contemplating for months. He took the white sheets off his bunk and began rolling them up and tying them together. He started thinking of his life; past, present and future. His mind wandered to one bad decision after another and painful memories he could never erase. How could God ever forgive and love him?  It wasn’t possible, and in that moment he decided that ending his life was his way out.

It was in his moment of hopelessness that God’s grace and word became crystal clear. He said to me, “ All I kept hearing in my mind was the scripture that says, you my son will be separated from me for eternity.” And with his eyes filling with big tears he continued, “I knew that if I killed myself , I wouldn’t be able to ask for forgiveness. There would be no hope for me.”

It’s the words… Wouldn’t be able to ask for forgiveness, that I can’t seem to shake even at this moment. He would have lived eternity separated from God with no chance for forgiveness from that mistake. To his dismay, God had a different plan. Someone found him before he could take the next step and end his life and he said that from that moment on he had peace.

Ever been there? Stuck in a place that seems so hopeless and so far from God? Did you ever just want to jump?

I don’t think feeling like this makes one a coward or weak, I think it makes us real and fully DEPENDENT on God! It keeps us in a place of knowing that we are all sinners and have fallen short… but it is in those moments of great weakness, God shows GREAT strength. My dad wanted to run… he wanted out of the pain and brokenness and didn’t want to remember anymore, but God wanted and NEEDED him to remember… because it was those dark memories that finally made him run to the ONLY one who could truly set him free.

Our mistakes and failures make us rely daily on a God who makes the windshield of our lives bigger than our rear view mirrors



Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Make Me Up Summer

Certified Makeup Artist & Airbrush Makeup Specialist

Momdeavor

In pursuit of discovering beauty in my daily adventure of being a mom of nine

Rock 'n' Rouge

Not your mother's makeup blog.

Miss To Mrs Magazine

Inspired, to make your wedding dreams come true.

Wanderlust Weddings

Planning your destination wedding starts here....

Grow up proper

A raw view on life

Paloma Lisa Photography

Love, the way I see it.

Button Bloomz Bead & Button Bouquets

Button, Bead and Brooch alternative bouquets

Rampix Photography

Professional Photography - Milton Keynes

hungarianportrait

Portrait and Glamour Photography from Laszlo Racz

Deborah Lloyd

Art. Beauty. Life.

Adolescent Chic

The perfect mix of edgy youth and everlasting sophistication.

Natalie Breuer

Natalie. Writer. Photographer. Etc.

worldofbeautytips

A complete World of Beauty, Skin Care, Fashion and Style, Body Care, Makeup and much more

Pomltd

Professional Online Makeup

Glam Gluttony

excessive is an understatement.

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.

TheTripletBlogger

"An idea is never given to you without you being given the power to make it reality"

%d bloggers like this: